Out of Character
by Rain77
Summary: Literally. Just read it, you'll see what I mean.
1. Part 1

Disclaimer: I do not own any part of Trigun (sob). I wish I did. Especially Vash. Yummm. I'd really like to own Vash.   
  
Author's Notes: I don't know if anyone's done this before, but oh well. Some characters are out of character. Don't hate me. Just enjoy the product of a deranged mind!   
  
Out of Character  
  
  
  
Meryl woke with a throbbing headache that wanted to split her forehead apart. Damn she had worked too much last night. She should really stop working so late. Her mouth tasted cottony and funny and her chest was uncomfortably tight and cold. Great. Exhaustion *and* anxiety. She really should stop working so late! It's the damn Stampede that makes her stay up so late. If he hadn't blown up that bank and set the town's only fire station on fire, she wouldn't have to stay up so late. Then there was that shaman who Vash had pissed off when he grabbed his water canteen to put out the fire. What the hell was he thinking? A water canteen to put out a blazing inferno? Damn Vash!   
  
She swung her legs over the side of the bed and was jarred with the cold floor hitting her feet so soon. Damn Vash. She wanted to blame the cold floor on him too, but that was just silly.   
  
Still groggy and half asleep, Meryl grumbled her way to the bathroom and was only slightly surprised at how few short the distance seemed to be. She really was losing it. Blacking out even when she just woke up. Damn Vash for keeping her up late writing reports!  
  
She smiled to herself. She really should stop cursing him like that but somehow the words (even if she didn't mean them) made her feel better. It wasn't just her. The shaman had done the same last night. He had cursed very rudely and very loudly at both of them, "Damn $%!@! I needed that water!" and then suddenly stopped, his eyes sparkling strangely. Then mumbling and pointing at the two of them, he shouted something before he split, cackling at the sky. (What was it he said -?) Vash had been freaked out and had to go straight to a bar afterward to calm his heart. Or so he said. Meryl had gone back to their hotel to type up yet another report about the infamous Vash the Stampede.   
  
She got to the bathroom and leaned over the sink for a moment, trying to clear the cobwebs that had gathered in her brain and was preventing her from thinking clearly. The sink seemed so much lower than she remembered (What the hell?!) and the floor further down. She really should wake up. Cold water. Cold water would do the trick.  
  
The sink sputtered to life with a trickling of cold water and Meryl cupped her hands and splashed water on her face. What the - ?  
  
She looked at her hands suddenly. Callused. Since when were her hands callused? And large. Since when were her hands so large? Slowly, awareness came back. Her head snapped up suddenly. She remembered what the shaman had said. He'd said, "I curse you one into the other."  
  
Oh no!   
  
The mirror really was lower, the sink further down, the floor waaaay further down by her very large feet. Large feet?   
  
Oh no!  
  
Meryl bent, afraid, terrified to look into the mirror. Still, there was only one way to find out.   
  
Closing her eyes, she took a deep breath and chanted, "This is a dream. It's all a bad, bad dream. I will wake up and find myself back in bed," and opened her eyes. Blue-green eyes gazed back at her. A head with tousled blond hair (adorable sometimes) stared back at her. "Oh. My. G - "  
  
"Gaaaaah!"  
  
Her head whipped around at the sound and she had the weirdest sensation of wanting to reach for a gun but suppressing the urge.   
  
"Gaaaaah!" the scream came again. Someone pounded frantically at her door and before she could move, had kicked the door open with a splintering sound. Then her body, her voice came barreling through her bedroom door, panicked. While she, in _his_ body, with his voice (mute now since she couldn't seem to get past the dry lump of horror in her throat) stood there still staring at the mirror.   
  
"Meryl! Meryl!" her voice screamed at her from someone else's mouth. Then she was turned around rudely and her small, slight body confronted her. She felt lightheaded from the strangeness of the situation. "I have - "  
  
"Vash?" she choked out the question. "Is that you?"  
  
"I have boobs!" her body wailed. "Meryl! I'm in your body and I have boobs!!!!"   
  
It was the whiny voice, so unlike hers, that tipped her off. Yup. The shaman had cursed them. Literally.   
  
She grabbed his hands . . .er, her hands. . .er, whatever! She grabbed the hands he was using to indicate *her* boobs and shook him. Wow, she was light in Vash's hands. He could probably have picked her up anytime he wanted to. Huh? Why was she thinking that now? She shook Vash harder. "Don't you dare touch them," she hissed. "Or you're going to lose a part of *your* anatomy that you're going to regret."  
  
The face that confronted her blanched. "Alright, alright!" Vash backed away from her and sat down on the bed. "What do we do?"  
  
"I don't know," she said, and put a hand to her head. Looking out from Vash's body was giving her an eerie sense of vertigo. "Let me think. Just let me think."   
  
"We'd better think fast," Vash said. "And don't talk like a girl," he added, looking annoyed that his feet couldn't reach the ground in her body.   
  
"What the hell do you mean by that?" she snapped.   
  
"You make my voice sound high and whiny," he complained.   
  
"You're always that way, you idiot!"  
  
"Whatever. Just think fast."  
  
"I'm thinking as fast as I can," she snapped again. "Why are you hurrying me?"  
  
"Because I have to go pee."  
  
For a moment she wondered why that would matter. Then it occurred to her. She was in his body. He was in hers. Oh no! Think fast, Meryl! Think fast!   
  
"Just hold it, Vash. Please, just hold it!" 


	2. Part 2

Disclaimer: I do not own any part of Trigun (sob). I wish I did. Especially Vash. Yummm. I'd really like to own Vash.   
  
Author's Notes: *holding up orange traffic sign looking thing* Caution: Deranged mind at work. Enjoy!   
  
Chapter 2  
  
"It was that shaman, I tell you!" Meryl said fiercely, trying to stop Vash – still in her body – from repeatedly banging his head against the wall. "It's all your fault!"  
  
"Meeee?!?" he whined, straining against her hand, er, his own hand. "This isn't fair, Meryl, let me go!"  
  
"Why? So you continue to bang MY head against the door?!"  
  
"I'm trying to wake myself up, dammit!"  
  
"We're both awake you idiot! Now stop shouting! You're giving me a headache!"  
  
Immediately Vash stopped and put a hand to his head, startled for a moment that what he felt were short strands of hair instead of his usual spiky hairdo. The body he occupied twitched momentarily towards the wall before Meryl stopped him with a glare and a hand. She was still amazed at how strong Vash was. He could brush her aside without thought if he wanted to. But for now, she was in _his_ body and that made her the stronger. She kept a firm grip on the smaller, slighter body that was now Vash.   
  
"Ow!" he complained.   
  
Immediately she let go. "Sorry, not used to your body yet."  
  
"Don't," he said. "I'd like to get it back."  
  
"Hey! It's not that I want to be stuck in your body either," she snapped and gave him another threatening glare for measure.   
  
"All right," he said cringing. "I believe you. I'm awake. You're awake."  
  
"What gave you that clue?" she asked sarcastically.  
  
"My handsome face can't possibly glare like that unless someone else was in it," he grinned up at her.   
  
Meryl's hand twitched momentarily in an automatic reflex of wanting to hit his head. Thankfully she remembered that she was in Vash's body and hitting him would only hurt the body that was hers. Or hurt the body that wasn't. Or if she hit his body, it would only give _her_ the headache. Damn, this was complicated.   
  
"All right," she decided firmly. "Here's what we'll do – "  
  
"Wait a minute," he interrupted. "Why do you get to make the choices? Shouldn't I – "  
  
"You have my body, idiot, not my brain," she said tersely.   
  
The eyebrows – also now occupied by Vash's personality – rose suggestively. "I have your body, Meryl? Does that mean – ?"  
  
Now what? "Vash," she warned. "What are you thinking?"  
  
"I get to wear your short skirts?" he cackled evilly.   
  
She wanted to fall over backwards for a moment. "You are hopeless," she said. "Let's go."  
  
"No-uh," he said, shaking his head, again a little surprised at the way the short hair seemed to swing around his ears.  
  
"What's the matter now?"  
  
"We're not exactly dressed to go out there, Meryl," he said pointing at her. "Look at what you're wearing."  
  
Meryl looked down at herself and realized that Vash was right. She was wearing only his baggy pants and a sweatshirt with a hole in it. Then she looked at Vash. Of course he was dressed in the white nightshirt she had put on to go to bed the night before.   
  
She blushed suddenly at the implications. How the hell were they going to do this?  
  
"Meryl, how are we going to do this?" Vash asked aloud. For once, he didn't sound like he was suggesting anything other than changing clothes.   
  
"I – I don't want you looking at me," she said stiffly.   
  
His eyes snapped up. "Well, *I* don't want you looking at me either." Meryl's face felt like it was on fire. Of course, idiot! He's probably as embarrassed as you. "We'll just – we'll just close our eyes."  
  
"That's your suggestion?"   
  
"Well, you're a guy. How hard can it be to put pants on while having my eyes closed?"  
  
He gaped at her. "Have you seen the buckles on what I wear?" he asked incredulously.   
  
"How hard can it be?" she repeated and shrugged.   
  
Vash crossed his arms and then quickly uncrossed them when he realized that he was crossing his arms beneath breasts, Meryl's breasts. But thankfully she didn't notice.   
  
Meryl for her part did not notice because she was still worried with the changing pants bit. The pants were not really the problem. The buckles were. And then there was that other thing. Did Vash wear (*gasp!*) underwear under the baggy pants? She concentrated for a moment on feeling what she was wearing _down there_ and realized with relief that there seemed another pair of clothes under the fuzzy feeling of the worn pants. Cotton it seemed like, comfy. Comfy? Comfy?! Why was she thinking comfy at this point? It's not like she wanted to know that _they_ were comfortable. They? Now she was referring to Vash's little guys as "they"? Hm. . . Were they so little? I mean, he was tall. Wouldn't that mean he was . . .proportional? Her face grew hotter and more embarrassed until Vash interrupted her thoughts.   
  
"Meryl? Meryl?" Vash asked loudly.   
  
"Yeah?"  
  
"You spaced out."   
  
"Sorry. Just thinking. What?"  
  
"I know if you were still in my body and I was in yours that you're going to hit me for suggesting this but," he paused for a moment to watch her reaction, and finding none finished his sentence quickly, "I think we should help each other get dressed." Even as he said it, he cringed and drew back, automatically raising an arm to protect his head.   
  
Meryl had turned purple. "Wha – what?" she managed to sputter out.   
  
"It's a good idea," he said defensively. "You can manage pants and shirt but I don't think you can manage buckles. And then there's these," he said pointing at his chest. "You have complicated girly things that _I_ know go with these. And you're probably better at it than I am."   
  
Meryl's mouth closed and opened silently. "I – I – "  
  
"Yes?"  
  
It was actually a good idea when it came down to it. It was just embarrassing as hell. Dressing each other? There had to be a better way. There had to be!  
  
Suddenly there was a knock on the door.   
  
"What?" Meryl automatically barked out.  
  
"Mr. Vash?" Milly's voice came from the other side, surprised.   
  
Meryl groaned. Oh no, oh no, oh no! She forgot she had Vash's voice too!  
  
"What are you doing in sempai's room, Mr. Vash?"   
  
Meryl could hear the smile in Milly's voice. And laughter?   
  
"I – I – " What was wrong with her? She was so inarticulate at the moment! Excuses. She needed an excuse. Now!   
  
"He asked me to sew something," Vash said suddenly in her voice, making it sound ultra-ultra feminine. "His damn, clumsy gunman's fingers couldn't sew a button," he continued, enjoying himself. "That idiot!"  
  
Meryl glared at him but he only grinned back.  
  
"Oh," Milly said. Her voice sounded disappointed. "Well, alright then. I'll meet you down at breakfast."  
  
"Tell her to go ahead," Meryl whispered urgently.   
  
"Why?" Vash whispered back.  
  
"Clothes!" she said with emphasis.   
  
"Oh, yeah."   
  
"And don't make me sound like high pitched cat!"  
  
Vash cleared his throat and grinned, pitching his voice even higher. "Go ahead to work, Milly!"  
  
"All right, sempai," Milly said cheerfully.   
  
"I have a report to finish! Vash, that idiot, destroyed something else," he continued, still pitching his voice high.   
  
Meryl couldn't help herself. She raised her fist and bonk!   
  
"Ow!"  
  
There was a rush of steps and "Sempai!" Milly shouted worriedly from the other side of the door.   
  
"I'm fine," Vash said shakily. "I stubbed my toe."  
  
As they listened to Milly's footsteps fade down the hall, Vash held a hand to his head, Meryl's head, regretting that he had not followed the instinct that said, You idiot stop this now. But Meryl regretted the action even more. She had been careful not to hit hard, but she was still going to feel that later when they switched bodies again. If they could ever get out of this hotel room and switch bodies again.   
  
********  
  
A/N: What will our heroes do now? Get dressed? Go out in bathrobes? *evil cackle* Yes, I am a deranged author. Bow before my deranged throne. 0.0 Can thrones be deranged? Ah, whatever. Tired. Procrastinating. Okay, enough. 


	3. Part 3

Disclaimer: I do not own any part of Trigun (sob). I wish I did. Especially Vash. Yummm. I'd really like to own Vash.   
  
Author's Notes: And now for your viewing pleasure, a play! Even though I'm really, really, really feeling icky since I think I just failed a midterm. But whatever. Don't care. Will care tomorrow morning and then will be angsty and all, but for now, still riding on the waves of euphoric high from all that caffeine and chocolate I consumed in an effort to chase away the blues about failing a midterm. But on to the play!  
  
Setting: Somewhere in Rain's demented mind. Time: Sometime.   
  
Vash: Uh, Rain, why are you hiding behind me?  
  
Author: *hiss* Because the reviewers are threatening me. There's someone here with a spoon, another with a flashlight, and someone who likes fire. A lot.   
  
Vash: So? Why are you hiding behind me?  
  
Author: Because you're the great Vash the Stampede, idiot!  
  
Vash: Hey! Meryl's the only one allowed to call me that.  
  
Author: Fine, fine. Just hide me okay?  
  
Vash: *grin* I would, but -   
  
Author: But what?  
  
Vash: You're taller than me.   
  
Author: Huh? *suddenly realizes situation* Damn it! I forgot! You're still in Meryl's body! What do you suggest?  
  
Vash: I suggest you run. Now. I see someone coming with a spoon.   
  
Author: *grumble*  
  
*bows* And now, a note to our sponsors before our feature presentation:   
  
blood-lust6: You're in this one too? Well, welcome, welcome to the world of Rain! Where body switching is completely ordinary and bathroom trips are frequent. *um, that didn't sound quite the way I meant it to sound*  
  
Lisa: Which other fic? Either way, that "other fic" was updated too. And as to the clothes situation, read on, read on. *evil snicker*   
  
LadySteph: *at a loss of words to say* Lalalalalalalala. Hi!   
  
VASHIES-GIRL: *growl* I love Vash too. *mumble, mumble*   
  
Hecate: *grin* You like deranged? I'll show you deranged. *produces Knives* Tada! Knives: Get your hands off me filthy human! *makes Knives disappear* Uh, yeah. On to the show!   
  
Ametenshi: Cute? Why, yes I am! *grin* Oh, you were talking about the fanfiction. My bad!  
  
Celebria Viresse: *sweetly* Oh yes, "my" Vash is a pervert. *evil cackle*  
  
S-chan The Great: *running from flashlight* I don't know why I would run from a flashlight, but with you S-chan, it just seems appropriate! *grin*  
  
Lady Shadowcat: Hehehe. You can walk around in public without getting stared at. At nude beaches! *cough, cough* Not that I've ever been to one. But if I were a guy. . .*grin*  
  
Raditz: "Why a spoon, cousin?" "Because it's dull you twit! It'll hurt more." ---scene from Robin Hood: Prince of Thieves.   
  
Luna-Kitsune: *almost pees in pants* Uh, flame-throwers? I don't know if I can write under such pressure!  
  
Samara Aurora Randolph: Will try!  
  
doomsdaybringer: *grin* Are you sure you shouldn't have your feet looked at? I mean, that could be dangerous!   
  
the old fart: That's the fun in it! Oh yes, how will she now?  
  
****************  
  
Chapter 3  
  
Meryl's face was still burning. She couldn't believe they had done what they had just done. On the other hand, his face (well, really her own face) was also burning while they had done it. It had been really, really uncomfortable. Not to mention embarrassing! And now, while Vash was in the bathroom trying to figure out how to go pee with his eyes closed, she replayed the scene in her mind.   
  
**  
  
"This is complete and utter lunacy," she mumbled while she and Vash faced each other.   
  
"No," he snickered. "Complete and utter lunacy is Knives. This is. . .good."  
  
"Good? Good!? How can this be good?" she said tightly, expanding her arms to measure the full extent of the situation. "I'm in your body and we're about to dress each other. How can this be good?"  
  
"Really, Meryl," Vash said calmly. Too calmly, though the glint in his eye betrayed the fact that he was enjoying this. "You're being out of character. I'm the one who should be complaining and panicking. Not you. You're Derringer Meryl, coolheaded insurance girl. Remember?"  
  
"Yeah," she snorted. "In the stupid Vash the Stampede's body."  
  
"Gorgeous body," he corrected.  
  
"Hah!" she interjected. "Now you're being out of character."  
  
"What's that supposed to mean?"  
  
"Aren't you supposed to be all angst and oh, look at me. Not worthy, not worthy."  
  
"Oh yeah? Aren't you supposed to be super bit – "  
  
The slamming of a door downstairs interrupted Vash's next words and then there was Milly's voice, faintly calling out goodbye.   
  
"Well that makes me officially late for work," Meryl growled. Then, "Ah forget it. I can't go to work like this." She looked at Vash. "And you sure as hell aren't going to go to work for me."   
  
Vash suddenly clapped his hands together and made her jump. "Okay then," he said. "This is it."   
  
"Okay then, what?" she asked distractedly, a little afraid at the determined expression on his face.   
  
"Let's get down to it."  
  
"Get down to what?"  
  
"Are you sure you didn't lose any brain cells when we switched bodies?" he asked with a grin.  
  
"Vash," she warned.  
  
"Okay, okay," he laughed. "Who's first?"  
  
"Me. No you. No me! I mean. . .argh! Jankenpon!"  
  
He looked up at her fascinated. "So that's what I look like when I can't get donuts," he murmured with a smile.  
  
"Jankenpon!" she hissed out, holding her hand. "One, two. . ."   
  
"Scissors," he cackled. "I win."  
  
"Jankenpon!"  
  
"Scissors, again," he laughed. "There are two other things, Meryl," he said, his eyes twinkling. He pumped his fist in the air. One, two. . .  
  
"Rock!" she screamed in triumph.   
  
He shrugged. "Okay then." He lowered his voice. "So does this mean – ?"  
  
"Mean what?"  
  
"That I really do get to wear that skirt?"  
  
"Shut up, Vash, she said tightly. "Just shut up and close your eyes."  
  
What had followed had been the most embarrassing farce of dress-up that could ever be. It had been her to go first, dressing Vash in her body. It was going fine until he giggled and twitched. When she tried to put the bra on. Then there was the fact that she was noticing weird things. Like the mole between her shoulder blades. Since when did she have a mole between her shoulder blades? It wasn't weird or anything, but it sort of distracted her because she was wondering if it would "distract" Vash too. Like when he was looking down at her neck, would he stare at it? She had to admit that small as she was, she was pretty damn sexy when it came down to it. Derringer Meryl had had her share of admirers back in the days when she wasn't stuck with such a demanding assignment as Vash the Stampede. Then she shook her head. What was she thinking? It's not like she wanted Vash to look at her back! Hell, she had to be damn near naked for him to see that mole. She didn't want him to see her naked! Or did she?  
  
When it was her turn, she also closed her eyes. It wasn't like there was a need for it. She had been right. Other than pants and the t-shirt, Vash didn't really have much to put on. She had sneaked a little peek though and saw that he wore boxers under the pants. Boxers with hearts. How appropriate for him, she thought wryly, for a moment hearing the echo of "Love and Peace" in her head.   
  
He was done very quickly, the buckles and various articles of indeterminate nature snapping on and when she opened her eyes, she found her own face staring back at her with the strangest expression. Then Vash turned away and when she caught his eyes again, they were back to that mirthful expression that was his way of hiding things. For a moment, she wondered what he was hiding and then shook her head when the face grinned uncomfortably and Vash started to rock back and forth on his heels.   
  
"What?"  
  
"I'm sorry, Meryl, but I really, really, really, really have to go pee."  
  
She felt a moment of panic again, but then she couldn't let him go on in her body like that. Much as she hated the thought of Vash sneaking a peek, she didn't want him to have any accidents while in her body.   
  
"Fine then," she mumbled. "But keep your eyes closed!" she shouted as he rushed to the bathroom, practically running like there were wild dogs after him.   
  
**  
  
So now here she was waiting. What the hell was he taking so long for anyway? He better not be checking out her ass. Or her boobs. Hell, he better not be checking out any part of her, she thought furiously.   
  
It had been almost five minutes. Peeing sure as hell did not take five minutes! Unless. . .? She shuddered. She didn't want to ride on that train of thought any more than what was necessary.   
  
One thought had seriously run through her head when he had said he really, really, really, really had to go pee. That thought had been blindfolds. She had thought about blindfolding him to prevent him from peeking. But as she didn't want a wet spot on her skirt – which was likely to happen since this was Vash in her body after all – she would just have to get over it. And the blindfold hadn't seemed like a good idea once she thought about it some more. He'd have been forced to feel out things by touch. Noooo, that wouldn't be a good idea at all.   
  
Swoosh!   
  
"Finally," she said sarcastically when he came out. "You'd better not have – " she began threateningly.   
  
"I had a hard time aiming," he said sheepishly.   
  
"What?"  
  
"Aiming," he repeated again, blushing fiercely. "I'm sorry, Meryl, but I had to open my eyes. Only for a second," he added quickly when he saw the anger in her expression.   
  
Aiming? What the hell was he talking about? Then it hit her. Oh dear. "Vash," she began very, very quietly. "Did you leave the toilet cover seat up or down?"  
  
"Up, of course."  
  
Oh no. "Vash," she said, very slowly. "Next time, sit down."  
  
He blinked at her a couple of times before his face cleared. "Oh."  
  
She nodded grimly. "Let's go. We have to find that shaman soon." Before I kill myself. Or kill you. Or kill one of us. Gah! Whatever! That shaman had to be found soon.   
  
**********  
  
Author's Notes: *grin* Like I was really going to describe them undressing and dressing each other. The fic is rated PG-13 after all. Nothing explicit kiddies! Well, except for my ccasional bad language that is. Hehehehehe! 


End file.
